Betraying yourself or just losing comfort?

After a real change, the heavy feeling that arrives can mean two very different things, and they show up in the same place in your chest. One is the discomfort of betraying yourself. The other is the discomfort of losing something you’re used to. In this episode I give you a way to tell them apart, so you don’t have to go back to the old arrangement every time it hurts.

I’ve been a therapist for twenty years, and I watched this go the same way over and over. Someone would turn down something they had always said yes to, or say a thing out loud that they had kept to themselves for years. The feeling would arrive, heavy and hard to sleep through, and they would take it as proof they had got it wrong. So they went back, the feeling eased, and they decided the easing was the answer.

You’ll hear where the alarm in your body came from, why the loudness of a feeling tells you very little, how to tell a clean feeling from a foggy one, the difference between guilt and clarity, three questions to ask yourself, why a right decision still comes with grief, and one small thing to do this week.

In this episode:

0:00 Why a real change sends people back to their old lives1:39 Where the alarm in your body comes from2:44 Why the loudness of the feeling is not the verdict3:47 Loss feels clean, self-betrayal feels foggy5:54 Guilt looks back, clarity looks forward7:18 Three questions to ask yourself9:07 Why a right decision still hurts11:28 What to do this week12:33 The free place to startIf you often can’t tell the difference, start with the Atlas. The Atlas names the pattern running your life in a single sitting. It takes about forty-five minutes and costs nothing. Begin at codexofthearchitect.com, or here: https://app.codexofthearchitect.com/get-started?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=pod-539

If you’d rather learn at your own pace, the free tests and guides are in the Codex: https://app.codexofthearchitect.com/codex

Tell me about the last real change you made, and whether the feeling that came after it was clean or foggy. Follow The Architect Speaks so the next one finds you.

How this page was made: the text is the episode's own show notes from The Architect Speaks, written by Michael Lauria.