"I'm not sure how I feel": why the soft answer hurts more | Against Nuance

You already know it's over, and you keep telling them you're not sure how you feel.

"'I don't love you anymore' is compassionate. It hurts for a moment and heals forever. 'I'm not sure how I feel' is cruel. It hurts forever and never heals."

From my book Against Nuance: The Betrayal of Clarity.

We've been taught that the kind thing is to soften it. So we say we're not sure, and what we've done is leave them waiting. A clear sentence hurts, and then the person can start to recover.

Most people have a pattern like this running and don't know it's there. If you want to find yours, do the Atlas. It names the pattern running your life in a single sitting. It's free at codexofthearchitect.com